Monday, November 10, 2008

The cry of my heart today



As I progress through seminary and continue to take steps toward entering the ministry full-time, I have endured a barrage of doubts and lies from the enemy that is growing in a crescendo. I don't feel worthy of my calling. I'm scared of where it might take me. I realize that God is faithful, but this is something new, something very scary to me, and something that I did not seek. I fought it for a long time, until the price of fighting was so high that I came to my senses and surrendered to God.

Despite all of the fears, doubts, concerns and all of the other emotions and thoughts that have flooded my brain, I still echo the words of this song in the clip above:

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

When I am alone
When I am alone
When I am alone, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

When I come to die
When I come to die
When I come to die, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus


As excited as I am about entering into ministry, there is also a sadness, almost a grieving, as one phase of my life ends. It marks the end of an era, and a new one unfolds. The good news is that I have Jesus.

2 comments:

Signe said...

Roy - I don't know about everyone, but I think it's very human and natural (and okay) to have some doubts along the way - especially when we are doing something that is pretty radically different. It's always going to be easier to do what is comfortable and familiar but, ultimately, that can be pretty unsatisfying. You are answering your call and have already made a difference to many. Hang in there, yo. Woot!

Stacey said...

Roy,
Just to let you know, you are covered in prayer daily. As scary as it must be sometimes, I'm glad you are obedient. He must have some awesome plans for you!