I'm going to die. I'm going to die an awful, painful, disgusting death, and probably soon. How do I know this? Because, as a favor to all of you, I break chain letters. That's right, all of those curses and threats that accompany chain letters fall on me. I do this not because I have a Messianic complex. Rather I do it to free all of you from the guilt that comes if you don't comply with all of the rules in a chain letter.
Here is what I have learned from my chain-breaking so far:
- I don't love Jesus because I don't forward all of the letters that tell me that only 3% of the people will forward them.
- I will never have good luck. Ever, ever ever.
- I will never get $$ from Bill Gates or AOL for forwarding emails that are being tracked
- Some dying kid will not have the requisite number of greeting/business cards he/she wants before he/she dies
- I'll never have the Nieman Marcus cookie recipe
- I will never get rich with some money from a Nigerian Princess
You can thank me in the next life