Monday, June 29, 2009

For all you Trekkies out there

Thanks to the Good Clean Funnies List for this next bit of Blog Fodder.

Things That Never Happened On Star Trek

1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.

2. The Enterprise visits a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.

3. Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works properly.

4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new life-form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life form wearing a funny hat.

5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.

6. The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.

7. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.

8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.

9. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.

10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.

11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some chocolate.

12. The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems.

13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.

14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.

15. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the nd of the episode.

16. Counselor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.

17. The warp engines start going haywire, but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.

18. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of one in three sentences that anyone says to him.


Joel Ungar said...

Why that would take all of the drama out of the show!

Whoever wrote this did hit the nail on the head.

Paul Wilkinson said...

Reminds me of a Mad Magazine satire of the TV series Lost in Space.

The theme music is getting louder and more ominous as the crew tries to to deal with the fact that outside the spaceship it's getting darker, and darker, and darker, and darker.

After the break, we're informed that on this planet, like Earth, it always gets darker when night comes.

Shelby said...

Well, there are a few of these that did occur. That time when Jordie fell in love with that PhD'd engineer's hologram, the holodeck was working fine, his grip on reality-not so much. On Voyager the haywire warp engines are fixed by an aspiring young female Q, not Wesley, and I think that Q would have been perfectly pacified by a bar of chocolate if anyone had seen past his airs, his psychotic personality really portrays all the symptoms of PMS anyway.

Roy said...

Wow. That is an interesting bit of psychoanalysis of Q you have there. Methinks you might be a little too well-versed in Trekdom. :)