Grief

January has turned into a season of grief for me, my family and some of our friends. Nothing new and devastating has happened, but I have been made acutely aware of my own grief over the past and God is putting people in my path who are going through similar experiences.

Two years ago, during one of the darkest spiritual times I have ever experienced, my friend Kurt recommended this book. The Emotionally Healthy Church was an eye-opener for me, because it pointed out that I do not deal well with grief. I had always put grief in the category of someone dying, and that is something that I mercifully have little experience with. But Peter Scazzero pointed out that grief encompasses many things, including life changes, moves, job losses and other non-mortality issues. And that is where I am today.

Because of circumstances, I cannot elaborate on the topic, but there have been issues and incidents that have left painful scars on me and my family. And they all came flooding back when a reminder of the most recent one arrived in the mail last week. Since then, I have been in a dark place, and not wanting to go back to face the situation one more time.

But I truly believe God wants me to go there, and I will be obedient. This has been a time of learning for me. God is softening my heart, and bringing others who are grieving across my path and allowing me to see His hand in their lives. I may even be able to help some of them through the process, because they are on a similar journey to the one we endured. I pray that I can be obedient and humble enough to be used however God wants to use me in this. I am learning what grief is. I pray that He can use this as I move forward into ministry. I wish I were not in this place, but God is Sovereign and I am not.

In case you were wondering about the photo, that is a tear moving down President Bush's cheek during the ceremony that posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor to a fallen U.S. Marine. Below is the Reuters caption and photo credit:

Tears run from the eyes of U.S. President George W. Bush during a ceremony in honor of Medal of Honor winner Marine Cpl. Jason Dunham in the East room of the White House in Washington, January 11, 2007. Cpl. Dunham was killed when he jumped on a grenade to save fellow members of his Marine patrol while serving in Iraq. REUTERS/Jim Bourg (UNITED STATES)

I cannot imagine the grief Cpl. Dunham's family feels, and the grief of the President who ordered him into battle. Mine pales in comparison. And that is another lesson from the LORD.