Saturday, May 27, 2006

Signs of the Apocalypse

It's official. The end is near. Don't buy any green bananas. The world is about to end.

How do I know this, you ask?

It's simple if you read the signs.

First, read this story. It seems that if you are short and commit felonies against children in Nebraska, you get probation. The lack of height is sufficient reason to avoid a jail sentence in that great state. I thought it was crazy when Debra Lafave got 3 years of house arrest for molesting a young boy. But she is pretty, and pretty people can't be sent to jail. Now short people can't go either. I guess only regular schlubs go to jail for molesting kids.

Second, as of May 26, 2006 the Detroit Tigers have the best record in baseball. I can't even begin to describe how ridiculous this sounds to a long-suffering fan. You had to be there for the last 13 years. You just had to be there.

Third, Pat Robertson has leg-pressed 2000 pounds, or so he says. You know my love for the goofy stuff that comes out of Pat's mouth. This one is a doozy. This ranks up with Chia-head Kim Jung-Il, who has made a series of similarly preposterous claims over the years. It seems that both of them have left reality and have entered another plane of existence. Let's pray that they stop making public pronouncements.

Otherwise, the world will come to an end. Very soon.

1 comment:

digitaldiva said...

Hey, Rags! Excellent post. You have discerned the most enigmatic signs so expertly, it makes the DaVinci coders look like they're playing tic-tac-toe.

Well done, m'friend, well done!