
Reduce your methane gas production.
Musings of a Poser - as defined by Brennan Manning - and now fully embracing my status as a ragamuffin dependent on the Grace of God and nothing else.
Unfortunately, this scene is repeated in other Nazarene churches many times every year. When unresolved conflicts exist between the pastor and members of the congregation, the lay members leave the church, the pastor moves or both. Long after the combatants are gone, the scars of battle remain. Many times the innocent bystanders are hurt the most. They are the ones left with the task of helping a wounded church survive. Nobody wins a church fight.
Church fights are avoidable. Over the past 30 years, I have been blessed to belong to stable, growing churches. I have attempted to identify what is different about these churches that never have church fights. This list of “do’s and don’ts” is a summary of my observations. Where pastors and laity act this way, there are no church fights.
Build a relationship of trust. When a pastor has a relationship of trust with the members of his or her congregation, small differences tend to be overlooked and the large ones are resolved more easily.
A relationship of trust is built by doing things together. Worshiping together is important, but simply being in public worship services together isn’t sufficient. Time and energy spent in Christian fellowship is essential. Praying and playing together has lasting benefits. Pastors who become personally involved in the lives of the congregation tend to enjoy enough goodwill to be given the benefit of the doubt when conflicts arise.
The same holds true for laity becoming involved in the life of the pastor. I once heard a layman say, “I don’t get close to my pastors because I know they will be moving in a year or two.” That kind of attitude causes the statement to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
1 Peter 1:22 describes the kind of relationship that should exist between a pastor and members of the church, “Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.”
People who truly love one another will have differences of opinion, but the relationship of trust helps them find their way past disagreements.
Seek consensus before making changes. Many church fights arise from changes. The Manual establishes the minimum legal requirements for making decisions in the church, but implementing changes with the support of a simple majority is rarely successful. Those who attempt to implement changes in a church without consensus invite conflict.
Consensus means a) that most people support the proposed change, b) those who don’t support the change feel that their views have been fairly considered and c) all are willing to accept the decision of the majority. Changes implemented when even a small minority are strongly opposed are often the cause of long-lasting conflicts.
Pastors and church leaders who learn to seek input from all of those interested in important decisions find that implementation of the changes is much easier. Churches where decisions are made in a secretive way by a small group of people are ripe for conflict.
Sincerely seek to understand others. There is a natural tendency for one to spend energy trying to convince others to understand his position. Throughout the educational process, students are taught to present ideas effectively; however, few have been trained to listen.
When it comes to avoiding or resolving conflicts, energy spent in understanding the views of others is often more productive than energy spent perfecting one’s own arguments. Churches where people sincerely seek to understand one another rarely have unresolved conflicts.
Take the initiative in resolving differences. In Matthew 5:23, Jesus said to take the initiative in resolving differences. He said, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”
Some have suggested that being the first one to actively seek resolution of a dispute is a sign of weakness. That idea has caused people to fight for years over issues that could have been easily resolved if either of them had been willing to make the first attempt to be reconciled.
Discuss differences face to face. Matt. 18:15, states, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you…” Most people completely ignore “just between the two of you.” It is an essential part of the scripture.
In this day of technology, there is often a temptation to call on the telephone, or send an email. Electronic communication is great for transferring information, but is ineffective when dealing with emotions. Being in the physical presence of another person is still the most effective way to communicate when there is conflict. Making the effort to visit with a person face to face demonstrates that you value them as a person and are sincere in wanting to reach agreement with them. There is no better way to resolve a dispute than to look another person in the eyes and say, “I am here because I want to hear what you have to say.”
Don’t involve others in your conflicts. In addition to the suggestion to meet face-to-face, the “just between the two of you.” language of Matthew 18:15 instructs not to involve additional people in your conflicts until you have made a reasonable effort to seek resolution. The wisdom of not involving additional people in disputes is obvious, but the temptation is strong to seek advice, request special prayer, or just share with a friend. Every time one discusses his or her conflict with another person, the conflict is escalated to another level. Each additional person who becomes aware of the conflict makes resolution more difficult.
Don’t spiritualize differences. There is often a temptation to assume that conflicts are due to the other person’s carnality. While a person may sin as a result of conflict, it is also true that saved and sanctified Christians can have emotion-filled differences of opinion. Assigning evil intent to those who have different opinions is inappropriate. Focus on the merits of the arguments and the importance of the relationship, not on the motives of those who differ with you. Only God knows a person’s heart.
Don’t take extreme positions. Because litigation has become so much a part of society, some people tend to take litigation-like extreme positions. In litigation it is typical for the parties to take extreme positions then bargain back and forth to reach a compromise somewhere between the extreme positions.
Because of the insincerity involved, the back and forth bargaining process doesn’t work well in resolving disputes in the church. Even when involved in a conflict, a Christian should express positions in a sincere and an honest way.
Don’t confuse positions with principles. Many people think they have “principles” while others have “positions.” Positions are subject to change, principles shouldn’t be. One should constantly reexamine his or her positions and change them when there is fresh insight. Compromising one’s position is often wise and appropriate. Those who compromise their principles have no integrity, but those who consider their positions to be beyond compromise are destined to live with conflict all of their lives.
Don’t flee. Several years ago, the Commission on the Call of the Pastor, took a survey of Nazarene pastors. A majority of pastors who answered the survey admitted that they had left at least one pastorate to avoid a conflict.
Fleeing puts distance between the combatants, but it does not resolve the conflict. One who flees without making a sincere attempt to apply the conflict resolution principles described in Matt. 15 leaves a trap of unresolved issues to faced by those who follow. Some Nazarene churches change pastors every year or two over the same unresolved issues. Some laymen move from church to church creating conflicts everywhere they go. When people flee, a church fight may be postponed, but it is rarely permanently avoided.
Churches that have a history of stability and growth are not the ones where people never have differences of opinion. Every church has conflicts. The stable, growing congregations are the ones where the pastor and laity have worked together to prevent their difference from becoming church fights. When conflicts in a church rise to the level of a church fight, no one wins.
Author – J. David McClung, attorney and chairman of Triton Marine Construction Corp., Gig Harbor, WA.
The evangelical investment in moral, social, and political issues has depleted our resources and exposed our weaknesses. Being against gay marriage and being rhetorically pro-life will not make up for the fact that massive majorities of Evangelicals can't articulate the Gospel with any coherence. We fell for the trap of believing in a cause more than a faith.
2 a day of darkness and gloom,
a day of clouds and blackness.
Like dawn spreading across the mountains
a large and mighty army comes,
such as never was of old
nor ever will be in ages to come.
12 "Even now," declares the LORD,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning."
13 Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
14 Who knows? He may turn and have pity
and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
for the LORD your God.
15 Blow the trumpet in Zion,
declare a holy fast,
call a sacred assembly.
16 Gather the people,
consecrate the assembly;
bring together the elders,
gather the children,
those nursing at the breast.
Let the bridegroom leave his room
and the bride her chamber.
17 Let the priests, who minister before the LORD,
weep between the temple porch and the altar.
Let them say, "Spare your people, O LORD.
Do not make your inheritance an object of scorn,
a byword among the nations.
Why should they say among the peoples,
'Where is their God?' "
48Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!"
49Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." So they called to the blind man, "Cheer up! On your feet! He's calling you." 50Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.
51"What do you want me to do for you?" Jesus asked him.
The blind man said, "Rabbi, I want to see."
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community – grew up near Shipshewana
36. Taught yourself a new language - and forgotten it
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby – Deb has twice.
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a mobile phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day –Several times every year. –Unfortunately.
Verse:
John 3:16; Jn 3:16; John 3
Keyword:
Salvation, Jesus, Gospel
With Operators:
AND, OR, NOT, “ â€
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